Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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