I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
