Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize