Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
