you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
