"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
