That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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