Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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