if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
