You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
