Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
