Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
