and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
