had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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