First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
