We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
