Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What a dumb baby whore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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