can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
