This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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