It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
