There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
