32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
