I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
