just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
