We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
