Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
