I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
