you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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