i just wanna soil my oats bro
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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