why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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