dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
