Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
