If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
