all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
