Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
