It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
