I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
