I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
