Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thus making me awesome and them whores
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
