I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
