I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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