I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
