When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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