I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
