The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
