It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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