shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
