she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
