hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
