dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize