I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
