I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
