im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
