3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
