but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize