New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just want to make out with him forever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
