Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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