i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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