if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
