You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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