You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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