I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
