Cold hands, warm shart.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize