I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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