mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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